


Hold Me Tight

by Hhanaa



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Adorable Huening Kai, Can Be Read As Romantic, Depressed Kang Taehyun, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, Kang Taehyun Needs A Hug, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Protective Choi Soobin, Soft Choi Beomgyu, Soft Choi Yeonjun, Someone love him, but not really, sensory issues, sorta kinda platonic taebin, taehyun just wants to be held, txt don’t have a couch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:02:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hhanaa/pseuds/Hhanaa
Summary: Sometimes it’s hard for Taehyun to admit he needs to be held or else he loses himself to the fog in his head, but it’s okay, Soobin’s there to help him. He’ll be okay.
Relationships: Kang Taehyun & Everyone
Comments: 5
Kudos: 135





	Hold Me Tight

“I want to die,”

It was an off handed comment that really held no meaning - at least, that’s what Taehyun thought. Life was dramatic, tiring, exhausting every step of the way. 

“What?” Soobin asked, nearly shouting through a spoon of shaved ice in his mouth. He watched Taehyun from across the room, wide eyed and concerned. 

“I mean, of course I don’t actually want to, I’m just tired.” Not reassuring, whether it was meant more for himself or Soobin, he didn’t really care. He let himself look back towards the bright blue sky, midday hanging proudly over Korea, basking the bustling city beneath them in sunshine. 

He should be okay. He was okay. He is okay. Maybe he didn’t communicate that properly, or maybe he didn’t really didn’t believe it himself. He lazily cocked his head to the side, resting his elbow on his knee. No, he wasn’t exactly okay right now. He was blank, the worst kind of okay. 

And by the sound of Soobin’s chair screeching against the floor, the quick patting of feet across the kitchen and into the living room, the elder had also known this. Would it be cruel to call it a joke? It seemed like the time for ‘just kidding’ had already passed, and yet those words still clung to the tip of his tongue, ready to deflect any and everything his member sent his way. 

Taehyun sighed lowly, letting strong arms wrap around his small waist and envelop him in the warmth of Soobin’s chest. Here, he felt grounded, safe, a little less tired. Here, everything was just a little more okay. 

“Don’t say things like that, hyunie.”

It was quiet, everything but the soft breathing against his neck when Soobin adjusted himself. With the two of them alone in the dorm while the others were out, it was silent and calm. But empty. For now though, in his bunny leaders embrace, he was alright. 

“Okay, I won’t.”

It was hours before the other three came back. During that time, Soobin hadn’t let Taehyun go, he kept him firm against his body, tight enough to apply some pressure but loose enough for him to move around. They had switched from the soft, yet firm carpet over to Soobin and Beomgyu’s room, opting on cuddling on the bottom bunk so it was less hassle to adjust with such little headspace near the ceiling. 

No words were exchanged; it remained still, setting sun slowly drifting through the dorm along with the pair, praising them with warm kisses from sun rays, Taehyun watching the clouds dance across the cool sky and the light weave between the white fluff above. 

Being not okay was fine, he knew that. He allowed himself to be sad when he needed to be, or to let out his frustration in healthy ways, he knew how to cope with his emotions. But on days like this where he didn’t have a reason to feel so... not himself, he knew that being alone wasn’t the favorable option for once. 

He was grateful for having his members around, his soulmates. Cheesy to say, but considering the odd situations that landed them all in the old cramped dorm from their trainee days, it all seemed like too much of a coincidence to call this anything but fate.

After years spent together; crying, fighting, bonding, laughing and struggling to reach their shared dream as one, it was bound for them to know each other like the back of their hands. So it wasn’t unusual for Yeonjun to cling to one of his dongsaengs when he felt less than desirable, or Beomgyu to cry on Soobin’s shoulder when he was overwhelmed and frustrated. It was second nature for Hueningkai to crawl in between Taehyun’s arms and nap along with his fellow maknae when he felt lonely, or when Soobin struggled mentally and physically, leaving to take a walk by himself only for Yeonjun to accompany him, insisting that him being out alone at any time of the day was dangerous. 

They all knew it was a front, but for Soobin’s sake, they all would agree and usher them out of the dorm, expecting puffy eyes, relieved smiles and apology dinner to comeback with their cherished hyungs. 

Unlike his members, his cry for help was much less noticeable. The telltale sign that Taehyun needed someone was when he didn’t talk, only watching the conversation behind a calculated smile, nodding along with the laughter. They all knew “the smile”. To an outsider, it would’ve seemed like any other expression the red haired male wore when he was happy, but that smile never traveled to his eyes. 

Kang Taehyun was a creature of habit, too strong, too independent for his own good, and he knew how to take care of himself. But sometimes, understanding that he did need to talk to someone, be held by someone, was hard to admit. 

He wasn’t suicidal, he wasn’t lonely. When he got like this, he wasn’t anything, and that’s the problem. He was meaningless, nothing. Just breathing, sitting, blinking. Spaced out at best and dissociating at worst. That’s why he had to have physical contact, so he could understand that he was alive and it’s nice being alive. It was nice breathing. 

“We’re home!!” An exuberant voice bellowed, followed by the rustling of paper bags and mischievous teasing. Taehyun hadn’t even noticed he had fallen asleep until Hueningkai’s announcement jolted him awake. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Soobin eased, clutching him reassuringly, fingers massaging his scalp and urging Taehyun to calm down. The latter let the elder soothe him, feeling the heavy feeling in his chest leave as minutes passed. The loud voices and playful footsteps a hallway down helped the fog in Taehyun’s brain dissipate slowly, his own thoughts allowing themselves in once more. 

Eventually, the door had cracked open and a mop of hair peaked from behind, a curious Beomgyu peering in quietly just in case the two were sleeping. Luckily, Beomgyu has quickly gotten the hint when he saw how small Taehyun made himself under Soobin’s arm. He only did that when he was coming back to reality. He popped his head back out, mumbling something to the remaining members outside and making his way into the room. 

Although the bunk was incredibly small, soobin taking up nearly half of the already tiny bed, Beomgyu had somehow managed to fit himself along the edge, just enough to wrap his arms around the younger’s lower back and bury his head in Taehyun’s own chest. Sometimes behind the second smallest member had its benefits. 

Taehyun’s fingers twitched, gradually curling in Beomgyu’s hair and holding him against his body, much like Soobin had done. The stimulation was nice; being left with no room for himself, sandwiched between two warm bodies and soon to be more left him finally content, something he had been looking for since waking up groggy that morning. 

He closed his eyes, listening to Yeonjun and Hueningkai make their way towards the bed as well. He could tell by the gentle press of lips against his forehead that Yeonjun had taken his place, kneeled by the top of the bed, resting his body against the wood and letting his hand rest on top of Soobin’s head and other hand rest against Taehyun’s exposed cheek. 

Kai had made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed, letting the weight of his body rest on top of their legs, curling up like a golden retriever puppy and happily huffing when he found himself a comfortable position. 

Maybe he’d have to invest in a weighted blanket for the future, but his members as a substitute was definitely something he wouldn’t protest about. Even if Yeonjun’s legs would cramp after an hour of leaning over the bed for so long, and the three caked between each other in the beds’ legs would grow sore from Hueningkai’s unmoved weight, a well rested, smiling Taehyun was worth anything. 

With these 4 boys around to keep him grounded and breathing, he didn’t need to be empty. Their hushed whispers and muted laughter kept his heart beating and his smile wide. His soulmates kept him from losing himself entirely, and kept him working hard and looking forward to the future. 

He didn’t want to die, he just wanted to live with them for as long as possible, and that’s what he would do. Bad day or not, as long as he had them, that was all that mattered.


End file.
